These poems were written in 2013, 2014, and 2015. They attempt to apply the logic of an illiterate person writing the statement "I can't read" to poetry. They all failed. Enjoy.

"Everything in this book is anatomically correct. It really makes your synapses fire. I especially related to 'russet' as I am also not a potato. Not quite sure what he has against punctuation though."

- Margaret Krackeler, MD

"Have you ever wished to inject pure emotion into your body? A syringe containing the pure essence of life itself, wriggling with passion and love and pain? Have you desperately spent years seeking out such a thing? Well it does not exist. But this book is pretty good."

-DougDoug, beloved YouTuber