Listen Up, America!

The solution to your problems has plopped right in your lap. Mama is running for president!

Discover How President Thelma Harper would handle:

• Immigration--I'll tell you how we solve the problem at our border: build senior citizen housing all along the American side. No one sees more than a nosy old lady peeking through her window blinds.
• Emergency Preparedness--Emergency response should be in the hands of the experts who have the resources and determination to respond quickly. I'm talking about Domino's and Pizza Hut.
• Airport Security--As long as we have to take our shoes off, I will install a shoe-buffing brush inside the X-ray machine so your shoes will get a little shine as they go through.
• Animals--If I have a dog at the White House, I will have it spayed or neutered to control its sex drive, which is something that might have been a good idea for some of our previous presidents.

Thelma Harper is running for president, and the free world will never be the same!