Magdalena Wallace has already saved the world ... twice! Not a bad record for a nihilist who doesn't believe anything truly matters. Now she just wants to be left alone with her girlfriend so they can murder men who catcall them. But a gigantic, eldritch, tentacled kaiju is on its way to destroy humanity, so the vampires have to get the gang back together to rescue their food supply.

Can a non-binary golem, a teenage werewolf, a resentment-fueled warlock, an optimistic amnesiac reanimated skeleton, and a couple of vampires escape the trolls (who secretly manipulate humans through comments sections), rescue a luck dragon, and save the human race from the doom unleashed by the merpeople?

Maybe.

Can The Convention of Fiends convince any major Hollywood studio to make their story into a high-budget summer blockbuster?

Impossible.