{"product_id":"how-to-burn-this-book-9798330297535","title":"How To Burn This Book","description":"\u003cp\u003eStep one of burning a book is finding a disagreeable premise within its interior to justify the act. In order to simplify this process for the reader, each short story in this collection is followed by a precise reason the short story should be immolated, opined by the author's many critics.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Lucky Girl Noir\" is about a hard-boiled cop solving the murder of a 'Lucky Girl', one of many powered women born with probability consistently in their favor. Burning this story would be a much-needed win in the war against plagiarism.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Three Days West\" is an acid-Western about a pair of turophile cowboys exploiting their otherworldly connection in frontier Colorado. This story deserves burning for stealing the modesty of American pulp heroes.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Zantar\" is Tarzan but with aliens and raccoons. Burning seems appropriate, as it acts as a continuation of the author's insatiable hunger for theriocide.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Sea Creatures\" is a sapphic love story between a siren and a mermaid. The story deserves to be burned for suggesting bras are a form of art.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Lizard People Take Orlando\" tells the story of Zaffre Davis, a young grad student running for mayor of Orlando while keeping his double life as a scalie a secret. Burning should be considered due to its depictions of the furry fandom as solely affiliating with Democrats.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"The Spirit Realm\" is about the survivor of a mass party poisoning who wakes up to find he can talk to and interrogate bottles of alcohol. Not a single character is represented by a bottle of absinthe; a crime best punished by burning.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"The Pimp Who Slapped the Ripper\" is about the fall of Jack the Ripper at the hands of a violent, young procurer who will protect her property at all costs. The author's new softness has robbed the story of certain graphic, historical details; their omission begets burning.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Washed\" is the story of a man who loses all his memories when he takes a shower. Burn this one to effectively eliminate the author's ugly, stinky past.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"An American Weekend\" is about a boy's considerably awful week, and his preceding visitation by the embodiments of Friday, Saturday and Sunday; who guide him out of his funk. Turn it to ashes; this interpretation of the weekend reeks of upper-class privilege.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Roadwork\" is about the daily struggles of a lemurtologist, an exorcist working for the DMV whose job is to remove ghosts from the road after a horrific accident. Tossing this story into the fire could fracture the ego of a hate-filled author obsessed with smudging the good name of the DMV.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eBinding Type:\u003c\/b\u003e Paperback\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublisher:\u003c\/b\u003e Odd Fiction\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublished:\u003c\/b\u003e 12\/31\/2021\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eISBN:\u003c\/b\u003e 9798330297535\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePages:\u003c\/b\u003e 378\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWeight:\u003c\/b\u003e 1.11lbs\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 9.00h x 6.00w x 0.78d","brand":"Evan Witmer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53239847944373,"sku":"9798330297535","price":14.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0473\/0804\/6492\/files\/9798330297535.jpg?v=1788974577","url":"https:\/\/pastforward.org\/products\/how-to-burn-this-book-9798330297535","provider":"Past Forward","version":"1.0","type":"link"}